Ooh, I Say
by Luc91
Summary: Follow up to Lauren's Bad Day based on Tuesday 15th January 2013's spoilers. Joey/Lauren. Oneshot. Please R&R! Thanks! :)


**Ooh I say!**

I rolled over in bed, my head re-living everything that had happened yesterday; the argument with Mum; Kat interrupting us at Joey's; Poppy interrupting in the Queen Vic toilets (yeah not my finest hour); Dot catching us breaking into her house and in a full on embrace on her sofa. I could have literally died when I heard her now infamous words that wouldn't get out of my head 'Ooh, I say.' Yeah you don't say! Joey and I had scrambled out the house as fast as possible although I had to check Grandma Dot wasn't about to have a heart attack on us with what she'd just witnessed. Not sure I could have lived with that guilt if I'd just left her. Once I sensed she was fine and just in shock given the disgusted look on her face, I fled the house.

Joey had gone back home after he walked me to mine, both of us frustrated but completely not in the mood anymore. I'd also left Poppy's keys at Dot's knowing I couldn't face trying to sneak them back to her after everything. I knew I was still frustrated today at the lack of pent up sexual release and desperately needed Joey but I wasn't even prepared to try today to do anything; I couldn't face any further embarrassment.

"Lauren, get up! You can't spend the whole day in bed." I groaned as I heard my Dad's voice shout through the bedroom door as he walked past.

I spied over to Abi's side of the room and noticed she was already gone. Why couldn't I spend all day in bed? It was probably a lot safer for me based on yesterday's events; I was a walking disaster. I heard my phone beep and pulled it out from under my pillow to see Joey's name. I couldn't keep the grin off my face at his text.

(_**Joey**_ / _Lauren_)

_**So you up for trying again today after last night's unwelcome disruptions? I love you. J x**_

_You're not very patient are you? I'm still traumatised after what happened. I love you too. L x_

_**Why would I be when my super hot girlfriend doesn't seem to miss me? It's killing me not to be with you; I'm even considering the car lot cabin now although the last time we were in there we got caught so might not be such a good plan. X**_

_Aww poor you. Don't you think this is becoming more and more agonising for me too? I was up half the night trying to get you off my mind and the thoughts of your naked body against mine ... ;) x_

_**Oh you're really pushing your luck now. I should could over right now and just do you, regardless of whether your family are home or not. X**_

_I'm not sure they would appreciate that. You know I can't sleep because when I close my eyes all I see is you all the time. X_

_**Well I would appreciate it. I miss you & can't get you out of my head either which isn't a good thing when I'm trying to focus on what Alice is saying. My hand is worn out thanks to you last night, by the way. **__**Want to come and kiss it better? ;) X**_

_In your dreams ;) X_

_**You don't want to know what goes on in my dreams because all I will say is it involves something like what happened last night but without any disruptions... X**_

_You dirty pervert, Joey Branning! X_

_**You're the one dating me. X**_

_Good point. This sucks. X_

_**I know, we'll find some time soon enough. I promise. X**_

_I'm holding you to it again as my plans sucked yesterday. I gotta go, someone's at my door. I love you. Call me later. X_

Turning my attention to whoever knocked on my door as I replied to Joey's last text before sliding my phone shut in annoyance at being interrupted. "Urgh. Come in."

"Lauren?" I cursed myself as Oscar walked in; he didn't deserve my attitude yet as he hadn't done anything. "I can't find my shoe."

"Seriously?" He nodded. "Fine. Come on, where's Mum or Dad?" I climbed out of bed, slipping my dressing gown over my pyjamas and my phone into my pocket.

Oscar took my hand as I walked over. "They're downstairs. Mummy isn't happy and Daddy's busy talking to Mummy and told me to hurry up and get ready."

As much as I hated this family at times, I couldn't deny I loved my brother. It wasn't his fault we had such messed up parents who felt the need to lie to us and cheat and anything and everything else in between. "How did you lose just one?"

He shrugged as we looked in his room. "I don't know."

I rolled my eyes as we moved out his room and headed downstairs. I noted the kitchen door was shut and could hear loud whispering; they might as well of been talking normally because having a whispered argument wasn't really much different. Spotting Oscar's shoe sticking out from under the sofa, I grabbed it and helped him put it on. "Next time, try and keep them together, alright?"

"Yep. Sorry." He smiled and hugged me.

I felt a little more relaxed than when I first woke up having been distracted but it didn't take long for the frustration feeling to seep back in. I heard my parents arguing in the kitchen and looked back at Oscar who looked sad hearing their shouts.

"Hey, Oscar, why don't you watch TV for a little bit while I go check what the holdup is?" The small boy nodded and climbed on the chair while I switched the TV on for him.

Making sure the door was closed behind me; I walked towards the kitchen, silence falling between my parents the second I walked in. Well that's not obvious, is it?.

"Oscar's ready and waiting for someone to take him in the living room. Do you really think he wants to hear you two arguing right now?" I felt protective of Oscar; he was too young to fully understand everything and didn't deserve to be hurt by my parents. Someone had to stand up for him.

Mum looked at me and then turned back to whatever she was doing as Dad left the kitchen to fetch Oscar. I grabbed a drink in silence as Mum then left the room. I shook my head at her actions; if she wanted it to be like this then fine; we weren't talking. She was the one in the wrong here, not me. But if she couldn't see that then she needed help.

Hearing the front door close, I saw Dad leave with Oscar and Mum following behind them too a few seconds later with no goodbye. Great, finally an empty house, with me not doing anything and knowing Joey wasn't working, but now I wasn't in the mood to take advantage. I was too worked up about everything else that was going wrong with my life; sex being the last thing on my mind.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was lunch time when I heard Mum and Dad get back. They weren't arguing which I saw as a positive at least. Knowing I had to approach them at some point, I hesitantly walked downstairs and into the front room.

"Lauren, seriously, do you actually intend on getting dressed today?"Dad asked as I rolled my eyes.

"Nope not really feeling getting dressed today, Dad." Dad gave me a look hearing my sarcastic response. "Fine, I'll go get dressed if it'll make you happy."

"Good girl." I fake smiled at him and retraced the steps I'd just taken.

Upon reaching my bedroom, I heard the doorbell go. Curious, I moved to the top of the stairs to see Mum letting Dot in. My eyes widened in horror; what was she doing here? Waiting for them to disappear into the room, I crept down the first few steps to listen.

"What can we do for you, Dot?" Dad asked, as I heard him move from his seat.

"I'm not entirely sure what's been going on while I've been gone but I want to bring the whole Branning family together so we can fix whatever messes are going on. This family is in crisis but I'll be damned if I let it fall apart. Your father would hate that. It's agreed that everyone will meet at The Vic tonight at five pm. The WHOLE family." I rolled me eyes; seriously, another family gathering?

Family events and me did not mix. Why did we need some stupid gathering? Was that really going to resolve all the issues in this messed up family? I don't think so. Besides, the last one we had with the whole Branning family together had resulted in Derek dropping down dead after a massive heart attack. Not that that was such a bad thing.

"Five o' clock at the Vic; no problem." Mum answered as Dad also agreed.

"There's also something else." Oh please no. "When I returned last night, I found young Lauren in very compromising circumstances with a young man in my living room. I'm not sure who he was but I'm not sure he is having the best influence on Lauren, leading her astray like that. These young 'uns think they know what's good for them but they don't." Leading me astray; oh please. I wish he was leading me astray; might actually get somewhere then.

"I'm so sorry, Dot. We will have a word with her." Mum apologised; I knew my Dad was probably ready to kill me and Joey since he strictly warned us no funny business.

But I mean hello, who is he to say what we can or can't do? He's the one with a wife and was about to commit bigamy (although unknowingly). Surely he knew Joey and I were young and therefore had certain needs. It wasn't like we were saints and all innocent like perfect Abi.

"I really think you should. She's shouldn't be committing such a sin." Dot walked back out the room and I quietly moved back up the top few steps to hide.

"Don't worry, we will be having words." Dad told her as he opened the front door. Yeah I don't think so. "See you later, Dot."

"Bye, Dot." Mum called from behind.

"Lauren!" Dad yelled as the door was closed. They were really going to do this with their track records?

"Yeah, Dad?" Time for the best innocent acting.

"Oh don't pretend like you don't know what; I know you were listening." Ok so maybe they did know me pretty well by now. "You and Joey? At Dot's? Is he pressurising you?"

"Dad, we weren't doing anything wrong and he is definitely not putting any pressure on me. If anything, it might be me slightly pressurising him." I protested our innocent as Dad grimaced.

I wasn't going to say sorry for what we were planning on doing if that's what they expected. It would make this so much better if we actually had done something that I could pretend to be sorry for.

This time it was Mum who spoke up. "Darling, don't you think you and Joey should just let things settle back down; take it slow. You've only just got back together, do you really think it's wise jumping back into bed with him?"

"I'm not listening to this. I'm sorry we broke into Dot's but I'm not sorry for our actions. It's hardly like it would have been the first time we'd been together." I saw Dad wince at my words. Ok so maybe talking about what Joey and I got up to wasn't the best idea in front of my Dad.

"Ok, Lauren, just promise no more breaking into places." I sighed but knew Dad wanted this conversation to end just as quickly as I did.

"Fine, I promise. Now do I really have to go to this stupid gathering later?" I really wasn't feeling family socialising.

"Yes you do, young lady. Now go get dressed; maybe by the time we have to go, you'll be dressed." I rolled me eyes and headed upstairs to grab a shower. If I had to go to this lame family gathering, I was going to make sure Joey had to go too.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The whole family gathering, to sort out all our family crises, was going amazingly awful so far. Dot had been shocked to learn of Uncle Jack's engagement with Sharron, Derek's death and finally of Dad's secret wife, Kirsty, who felt the need to butt into our gathering and introduce herself 'finally to her new mother-in-law'. I scoffed and rolled my eyes as Mum glared at her; we may not be talking still right now but at least our hatred of Kirsty was mutual. To say there had been a few 'Ooh, I say' moments would be an understatement.

But she was just about to get one final shock this evening. I glanced down at my phone to check for any messages; Joey had somehow escaped having to do this so far. Alice said he was busy doing something but would be over in a bit. How had he managed to escape? All my protests had fallen on deaf ears.

"Oh, Dot, this is my brother, Joey. Joey, this is Grandad's wife, our Grandma, Dot." I looked up hearing Alice's words as I twisted to see Joey approaching our table.

I looked at Joey who seemed to rub his neck awkwardly as he stopped behind me, my eyes then shooting to Dot who looked like she might have a heart attack and kick it there and then. I knew she had put two and two together.

"Ooh, I say, you, you were the one last night." Her eyes moved to me as I looked at Abi next to me who seemed to realise what Dot was on about, the whole family having been filled in on my 'disgusting behaviour' by Dot.

"You ok, Dot?" Sharron asked, as the Branning matriarch looked at the two of us disgusted.

"You're Derek's son?" She spoke, directing her question at Joey who nodded awkwardly. "But you two are cousins? And in a relationship?"

The rest of the family seemed to be figuring out what Dot was on about too, her last part confirming it; Alice even letting out a small, 'I knew they seemed too close'. Murmurs of horror went round the table as I downed my drink while Abi placed a reassuring hand on my arm; not that it helped at all. I looked up at Joey who looked back at me; neither one of us knowing what to do or say.

"Max, how could you let this happen? Your daughter and her own cousin? Your father would be horrified. Derek would be horrified! It's wrong." Dot turned to Dad as he gave me a look telling me he was behind us still.

I tuned out Dad and everyone else apart from Joey as I grabbed his hand; Joey squeezing it with his own as he smiled at me. I guess our relationship was out now. Part of me felt relieved actually that we wouldn't have to hide anymore but the other part of me was scared that people would try and pull us apart when we've only just found each other again.

I don't know what happened but Dot suddenly stood up and stormed out the pub but not before giving me and Joey one last ashamed look. Well I suppose that went better than I could of hoped. We just now had to deal with the rest of the family's reactions and Dot's when she eventually decided to talk to us again...

* * *

**A/N: So people kept asking for a follow up to Lauren's Bad Day based on Tuesday 15****th**** January 2013's spoilers so I knocked this one up. Hope you like. Not sure whether I'll do another one for based on Thursday's yet; I'll see if I get any inspiration after tomorrow's episode. Please review and let me know once again your thoughts! Thanks! :)**

**PS I apologise for any mistakes but it's 4.30am now here and I haven't been to sleep yet as I was so into this but have to be up at 7am so I might have missed something grammatically or if a sentence didn't make sense, you know why. **


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